“The girl who ate her dreams”
‘In the scintillating summer she was the morning rain, Everyday she rose was glistened with pain’
I ran away. Into the void. I ran as far as I can but was accepted nowhere. Temple? Stood aside from the crowd. Functions? I was barely noticed. Everyone except my parents dared to accept me. None tried questioning me on behalf of me. Well to every story like this there would only be one correct side right? Here it was the boy’s side. My mother was hospitalised. My dad’s business plummeted down. Me? Well I never lived those days. Still none dared questioning him. Humiliation. Punishment. Death notes. Everything from my very own husband who had a wife who just wanted to play the wife role with him. Welcome to my world. The diary of a girl with an impotent husband.
They say a girl becomes a guy’s wife after she’s married to him. Well till now I haven’t had the privilege to be one. Everything started on the night of my marriage. Actually, it never did start. I’ve always wanted him to make me his wife but he, had plenty of reasons to avoid it. “The football matches are late at night, not today. I may have a midnight meeting so probably not this time. I’m too stressed after the day’s work, can we just sleep? After seeing you, I guess I won’t want it today.” He knew the perfect way to hurt a woman. One way or the other, he’d end up hurting me. The normal nights ended up beside his parents with someone between us. Our honeymoon ended up with him physically abusing me. And in the end, when I barely managed to pull his pants down i found out the worse thing. Probably the only reason he was avoiding me. He was impotent. He had erectile dysfunction and was too man-proud to talk out about it. Things were worse after that. Whenever I try to make him happy he’d hurt me worse than before and would end up in sleep with me crying on my pillow. The nights were studded with the hums of my cries and the whisper of his snores. It was the same every time. After few days his tantrums became impossible to bear on. He ended up physically abusing me and I guess that was his border line. Two days later, I was in front of the court to file an annulment. That’s right. Not a divorce. An annulment. Because you could be divorced only if you’re truly married right?
The court was cruel than my life. My petition for annulment was exactly treated like a divorce. My reasoning for a medical test under supervision was turned down and we were sent for counselling. I mean doesn’t the world has a little bit common sense on why one half of a couple would end up filing an annulment? Counselling for annulment ? Great. Initial speculations about their lawyer bribing the court was turning out to be true. Even though it was me who filed the case I became the convict. The counselling session did nothing more than throw his twig into fire. My sessions were usually me sitting with tears over the questions and my he would just pass. “He’s perfectly child. There’s some problem with you for filing an annulment” was their words. I was humiliated. I was questioned. I was treated like a sexually deprived person and my husband’s reply was truly satisfying the case. To him sex was just a droplet on his ocean of wishes and definitely not on his priority list. This led to me being affected mentally and I had to attend separate counselling sessions. The counsellor summoned my other half but his parents appeared instead of him. You know how the session would have ended. Every time there was a hearing I had to drop in for the sessions every month for which i had to travel from the US ( I was doing my MBA at that time ) and he had the privilege to attend it whenever he liked. They tried to sue me as the convict in whatever way possible. Did you have boyfriends in your college? Is your relationship with your male friends straight? Are you straight? Do you have an STD? I was even asked was I Genetic Sexually attracted to my father. I mean cut the crap out? Should the victim be the one who should always be scrutinised?
By the time the counselling sessions were over, a year had passed. The real court sessions started after that. Adjournments happened one after the other, but the case didn’t. Vaida after Vaida after Vaida. Whatever we did ended up in a Vaida. (Vaida-adjournments). I remember instances of me flying halfway over the globe to witness the case ending up in a Vaida. Four months passed like that and they finally decided I should be subjected for a medical test. And so, the one who filed for an annulment was to undergo a medical test under supervision and the probable convict was allowed to undergo examinations under his own comfort. I ended up passing the test and he ended up with flying colours. The case was going to close in his favour when we finally god decided to show mercy on me. We had one final chance and it proved fatal for him. The court issued a supervised check up in a famous hospital for both of us. He initially rejected, then refused and finally, forged the result without the knowledge of anyone. Eventually this stalled the proceedings but finally, we were able to prove his defect after continuous attempts for a proper medical examinations. He could never get erect. He had an erectile dysfunction. He was impotent, and both of us, still virgins.
A year has passed since then and the court has been my weekend hangout. Witnessing my constant lead in the case there are protests from the boy’s side to close the case into a divorce. But now in the recent hearing the case has become worse and would end against my favour . But still I’m firm on my stand. I’m going to battle it out whatever the circumstances it be. It’s not just winning the case for me for I have got all the punishments I never deserved and learnt how to live along with it. It pains to live in the society with a forbidden veil over your face. But now, this is my time to try make minds right. The society needs to change. She should mend herself into one who listens for the truths and harasses the convict. Not the other way around. The one which accepts porn stars never heed divorcees.
The emotions towards rape victims are signs of improvement but, the country has still a long road to go. The taboo of divorcees still lingers on, lest annulled women. This world has a lot to move on and this would be a stronger step up towards a bigger society. It’s not just about me a woman who’s mistreated by a man, but there are cases which happen the other way round too. Wherever money plays, truth remains hidden. And whenever truth decides to play a part, money decides to make worse over it. We’d never know whether the law bends towards men, or towards women. Or maybe it bends towards victims or even convicts. Maybe it gets influenced by hope, or money. But whatever it does people should realise the law is meant to uphold the truth. Not upholster convicts. Lots are there to change and I hope this story would make a mark on the society. This is my shout out to you people. There’s lot more to a case than you think.
The world would continue to haunt her with the name it brew, lest her heart knows it’s still pure. Ever has been an untouched woman. Never a divorcee.
– Based on a real life narration
Author: Akshay Raja